Tyler had a tough meeting coming up with a supplier who provided electronic parts for his company’s new product. "I'm really dreading this," he confessed. "We've run our analysis and have discovered these parts don't meet the specs that were agreed upon. But these guys are often very hard to deal with. And they won't want to agree with our analysis since it will cost them. I'm feeling this weight on my shoulders, since I'm the one that has to convince them and get them to agree."

As a leader, you’ve probably faced your own version of this—whether it’s winning buy-in from a key stakeholder, navigating team dynamics, or managing a high-stakes negotiation. These moments often come with an internal challenge: a desired outcome you want to achieve and anxiety about how others will respond.

The key to navigating these situations effectively is investing more of your energy and focus on what’s within your control, and less on the ultimate outcome you hope for.

Some Surprising Wisdom From the Past

Stoic philosopher Epictetus offers us some timeless advice on this topic: 

This idea is simple yet profound. You have the greatest control over your thoughts, actions, and preparation. But external circumstances—like someone else's opinions or decisions—lie beyond your grasp. When you direct your attention towards what you can directly influence instead of the things you can't, you increase your effectiveness and your executive presence.

Putting This Into Action

Let’s take another look at Tyler's situation: What's the source of his "dread" and anxiety? It's primarily this sense that to be OK, he needs to achieve an outcome that is essentially out of his control. Of course, he'd like for the supplier team to agree to replace the defective parts: the suggestion here is not to play some Jedi mind-trick on yourself. However, focusing on what you do not have direct command of increases your anxiousness and paradoxically reduces your influence and presence.

So what is in Tyler's control? Actually, quite a lot. For example :

• He can make sure he's familiar with the process his company used to test the parts.

• He can plan how he will present the findings.

• He can try to anticipate the supplier's concerns and brainstorm on ways to address them.

• He can run his ideas past some of his colleagues for feedback.

Once he begins directing his attention towards what's in his command, the ideas are likely to flow more readily.

Reframing Success

Now Tyler has the opportunity to reframe what success in this situation means. Instead of making the goal "convince the supplier we're right," success becomes "show up prepared, organized, and curious."

This approach is scalable. For a high-stakes meeting, it might involve hours of research and preparation. In a casual conversation, it can be as quick as pausing to notice when you’re overly attached to a specific outcome, then shifting to what you can say or do in the moment.

Bringing Mindfulness to the Challenge

This isn’t about giving up on ambition or pretending you don't care about the outcome. It’s about directing your energy skillfully. Mindfulness can help here. When you notice yourself gripping tightly to a desired result, take a pause. Redirect your focus to what's in your command: how you choose to respond right here and right now. By staying present and grounded, you’ll not only feel less stressed—you’ll also come across as clearer, calmer, and more confident. And that’s the kind of energy that tends to get better results anyway.

Takeaway

When you’re faced with a tough situation, remember: Your goal should not be to control the ultimate outcome (you can't anyway). As the Stoics recommended, your goal should be to excel at what you are truly responsible for. When you focus on what’s in your hands, you bring your best self to the table—and that makes all the difference.